making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize