she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
