I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
