that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
