We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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