I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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