This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize