Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize