I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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