Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This is classic penis vs brain.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
