drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
