mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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