My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
