Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
