I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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