Cold hands, warm shart.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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