Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The air taste purple.
Randomize
