just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize