Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
