Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
