More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
