I puked a lego.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
