He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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