i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
