I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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