you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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