Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
