Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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