Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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