I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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