I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize