just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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