how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
