I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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