Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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