So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
