At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
