my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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