Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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