can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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