I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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