Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize