I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
