I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize