Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
