This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
