Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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