Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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