i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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