Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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