It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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