I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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