Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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