the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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