so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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