he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
