put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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