I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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