my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
