Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
