Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
