I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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