dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
