this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
