and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
