3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i now understand why vodka
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
