I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
