saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
